Black Hole of Passion

Emotions swirl within me
Endless energy
Motivation, perturbation
Titilation constantly
Too much for me to handle
Overloading inspiration
Inflating me with goals
To the point of constipation
Warping space
And racing time
Folding inwards
Intertwined
A density of kinetics
Collapses upon itself
A black hole of my passion
A poverty of wealth
Oblivion full of potential
Growing deep inside of me
Denser as it grows
Stronger yet its gravity
It rips and tears my flesh
Tugs my very soul
Vibrating with excitement
Omnipotent blackhole
Light gets trapped inside
Adding to the swell
I cannot break the surface yet
Cannot release me from the hell
Of standing idly by
Collecting my thoughts
Of biding my time
Till the fight can be fought
And when I finally
Can unleash this desire
Can use this force to change the world
To light the catalytic fire
Then the waiting will be worth it
All the weighing and debating
Then I will make a difference
With this power I am slating

Nothing without you

Love is everything and yet nothing
Days feel empty without love
But love exists within us all
Every fiber and molecule and fleck
Everything is made of love
And hate
And existence
Is a balance of the energies
The emotions and the efforts
Love is everything and yet nothing
I cannot hold it
But it keeps me warm at night
It cannot caress my skin
But it tickles me with laughter
It cannot touch me
But it stabs deep within
And robs me of myself
I can make love
And I can give it away
Or you can take it
Keep it
Cherish it
Destroy it
And me alongside
Love is everything
And yet nothing without you

Blending lines of love

Love is in everything
Arriving in many shapes and guises
Layers intwining endlessly
Altering form and sizes
There exist many species
Many breeds of this emotion
Ranging vastly throughout life
As changing as the ocean
Love of material
Love of a friend
Love of attention
Love of the end
Love of companion
Love of pet
Love of attraction
Love of sex
Love of a stranger
Love of a mother
Love of a child
Love of a brother
Love of a partner
Love of another
Love of a heroe
Love of a lover
Love of you
Love of myself
Love of life
Love of wealth
An endless list of loving
So diverse and yet lines blend
When does one love begin
And another love end

No wonder is left

There is no wonder left in love for me
After the beating my soul has taken
No wonder that my heart feels dull
After the ceaseless breaking
No wonder that I cannot trust
When I have been nothing but stabbed
No wonder that I cannot lust
When all you do is grab
No wonder is left in the words
You whispered passionately
I heard them once, and now again
But to someone that is not me
No wonder I cringe at these words
When you so callously lied
No wonder I feel cheated
When our love you denied
There is no wonder left in love for me
It is cheapened, tarnished, bland
No wonder I cannot love again
My heart left broken in your hand

Short and Bitter Salty Sweet

And life keeps moving onward
Taking back what it once gave
The tide is changing once again
And I am swept off with the waves
The salty taste of change and tears
Are dulled by throbbing of the sea
Like my heart it slowly ebbs
Like the love twixt you and me

A Newfound Love

Like fireworks in the darkness
You explode into my mind
As you burst into my life
Without reason and or rhyme
And in those bursts of light
A brilliant blossom grows
And fills my heart with beauty
And fills my very soul
You amaze me more and more
With every passing day
And every time we kiss
You take my breath away
In that instant that we touch
A bond of strongest love
Flows between my heart and yours
Lifting us to heights above
Untouchable by space and time
A thing to truly awe inspire
Transcending known realities
And lifting us together higher

I Cannot Get Enough

There are not enough letters
In all the alphabets
To spell out my love for you

And not enough verbs
In all the languages
To describe how strongly I do

There are not enough stars
In the clearest night sky
To light up my heart quite as much

And not enough breath
Could ever pass my lips
To slow my pulse at your touch

There is not enough time
In all eternity
To be together enough

And not enough power
In all the world
To tear me from your love

My Hands

A powerful energy flows through them
Responsibility caught and held
In their capable grasp they heal
Create, nurture, and meld
Lives balanced in a palm
My life as well as others
They are the hands of an artist
A student, warrior, and lover
Scarred with victories of battles past
Rough from hard work, yet soft to the touch
Strong hands that can move mountains
But melt in caress of skin lightly brushed
A hand that has clenched in rage
It grasps the hilt of a sword
And searches for a loving embrace
Of another hand like mine
One that singlehandedly steals my breath
And brings it back in a fever pitch moan
My hands are the hands of a goddess
And through them a great power flows

All of Life is War

In my delirium of life
I wander through the dawn
A lone and lonely figure
Moving forward, moving on
Many a battle I have fought
And many more I will
It seems that all of life is war
And I've more blood to spill
Every step of every day
Another sword to swing
An adversary to defeat
A new tourney to fight and win
I grow weary of the trudging
I grow weary of the days
But of the fight I always thrill
I welcome challenge come my way
Dripping blood and battle scars
With each battle I grow stronger
Readying this lone and lonely figure
For the war that wages longer

Throw Off the Lies

Today sorrows prowl the world
Looking for a mind in which
There is a minute opening
To take up a new residence
A man walks through the streets
Wearing a smile whose edges are strained
And a girl watches him go from her
Hers too a smile but betraying pain
The sun glitters deceptively
For in the air a bitter cold
Sucks life from longing lungs
Stings tears from sightless holes
A smile is plastered on the world
Like a suffocating hand
Covering the tears and muting the screams
Of desperate protests and hopeless demands
And I claw at my lips to remove the lies
And I scream at the world to open its eyes
I reject the false and safe disguise
And stumble alone to a painful demise

Heartsong

Music is the simplest love
Words from soul communicate
Clearest emotions bleeding through
Language of love incarnate
Our voices blend in ecstasy
Harmonious tears of sound
Every chord of our hearts in tune
Truest feeling then resounds
And the earth could stop and wind could howl
And angels sing and stars fall down
But I will notice not but you
For I am lost within your sound

My legs ache with the memory of you within me
A blissful reminder of the euphoria committed
My muscles throbbing in a rhythm reminiscent
A beat silenced long ago rekindled
As if a breath waiting for the moment of release
Places long vacant momentarily resumed
Wounds opened to let the blood
Release the harmful hatred
Heal the two hearts rent apart
Return the circulation of love
Again my energy pulses to the rythm of your heartbeat
Too bad the Love that blossoms
Must be trimmed back into a healthy friendship
But tis better to gain some love returned
Then to cry lonely in the darkness of regret

A stabbing pire burns into the center of my being
Voices cry out in pained ecstacy
Molten skin binds then rents apart
The sickening burnt smell of scorned love
Ripping searing separation before again
The satisfaction of maddening contact
My anger flows out through you
Years of Pain Loneliness Confusion
All resolved in this throbbing rythym
I beg for your teeth at my neck
To tear me open and cleanse my veins
Stab into me, make me scream
Only in this treatment
Can I feel relief from the way
You brutalized my love
Pour yourself into me
Feed my starved heart
Bruise me, let the blood
Release the stagnant poison of heartbreak
Use me take me do with me as you will
To relieve the year of loneliness
My heart ached in the night because you left it
Now my body aches as you enter it
And I am relieved

Will everything I ever want
Forever be to far to reach?
Will all the things I want to learn
Be the things they do not teach?
Will I ever feel the smile
Pasted here upon my lips?
Will I ever grasp that goal
Running from my fingertips?
Will what I'm doing ever be
What I want not what I'm told?
Will I get to live my youth
Sometime before I get old?

Sometimes it seems a little crowded
Living in my head
Like too many friends and lovers
Sharing a quarrelsome bed
I can't seem to manage priorities
Fast enough to keep the peace
Running myself ragged
So many demands I must acquiesce
Once one screaming mouth is placated
Another demand pipes in its shrill
A cacophonous consort of chaotic companions
Each vying for its separate fill
Sometimes I don't know who I am
Which personality should dominate
I can distract one thought to accomplish another
But how to decide which inspiration to create?
Can I be all of me at once?
Or at least can I have a well earned break?
From this tireless tug of war that is life
From this ceaseless give and endless take

I wonder what people think of me
As I walk into the room
Behind those eyes so kind
And yet so stabbingly cruel
Is their smile sincere?
And after I've gone my own way
Will they remember me?
And what things will they say?
Shallow wonderings about shallow thoughts
Would I change if they bid it so?
I surely hope that I would never be so weak
As to stoop that sadly low
So why then do I wonder
But simply to torture feelings
Into holding firmer convictions
Rebelliously fueled into being
So in truth they do in me light change
Their presence a spark to ignite
Self analysis which in turn
Guides me to the me I knew forthright

I lie awake at night
And you're still not mine
Tears run themselves weary
On the edges of my eyes
But I won't let them fall
Because I know what it feels to be alone
And I wonder if he misses me too
Or if mine is the only heart
That quavers in the cold night
Yearning to be answered

I have watch the clouds for hours now
As they race across the sky
In a screaming delirium
Churning whirling flying by
The air is tense and thick
Promising to break and tear
Upon itself and cleanse
The pain and sadness in the air
I feel a weight upon my chest
And wonder which caused which
Did the rain summon up my tears
Or did my sadness conjure this
I want to fly on with them
The clouds leaving this place
I feel that same whirling urge
That has caused their maddened pace
To get away from all that is
All the tumult of my mind
Escape from my life, escape from my worries
Leave the real world far behind
I want to lie in soft sweet meadows
And feel the sunshine kiss my skin
I want to feel the earth breath beneath me
And feel that world of peace again

(Before it is too late
And all that peace is gone
I feel it dying as I speak
It cries in anguish, can't last long
I feel it deep inside me
A withering, aching pain
There is an assault upon life itself
It hasn't much left to drain
And once it's gone, then we'll go too
Following into the abyss of night
Of darkness and nothingness
Because we've killed the good and light
I've fought it since my first breath
I've screamed I've kicked I've cried
And when it is all over
Who else will say they've tried?
Who else will say they cared enough
To stand by creation's side
As cancer ate away at her
Watching as she died
She needs us all now more then ever
We can find that needed cure
For if we care and are aware
Then we can help her to endure
And conquer that evil which consumes
Its mother from the inside outward
Stand together, strong, and proud
And our voices will be heard!)

Hmmm... something about having to stomach four more years of our witless, greedy President fairly conjured these words from my head. Sigh, God help us all.

I've got so much time to kill
And nothing to stab it with
Time drips by like an IV
Barely sustaining me against my wish
The seconds march forward
As the minute hand reverses
Time holds its sickly breath
As the Universe rehearses
For some Ungodly Who-knows-what
A destination we journey towards
To what end no one knows
But we travel like lemmings in mindless hordes
I refuse
I vehemently refuse
To be herded like cattle
I won't follow these rules
I'll make my own path
Through space and through time
I've got more planned for my life
I'm done standing in line

Longing for your sweet soft touch
On my skin and in my heart
Vivid pictures of your smile
Enraptured me right from the start

Little things that make me happy
Oh the way you make me feel
Vibrant souls that join in life
Ever wondering is this real

Laughing, talking, sharing
On into the deep of night
Varily my soul I'm baring
Every moment just feels right

Lying in your arms so close
Opening my heart to you
Veritably since our first glance
Even then I think we knew

I really don't know who you are
Why I trust you I'm not sure
But I sense a sense of good in you
And I simply have the urge
To let you see me openly
No barriers nor disguises
To strip my clothes
And bare my soul
And stare into your eyes
The wind has blown away the mist
Now clear once was obscured
The sun shines off my everything
Now sharp edges once seemed blurred
You've seen my good
You've seen my bad
My laugh my smile my tears
I've shared my thoughts
I've shared my dreams
My angers and my fears
I have shown you everything I am
And you still hold me in your arms
I've never felt this safe before
Enveloped in your warmth and charm
I don't know how I can know you
When I've only really had a taste
Of who you are but here I lie
Naked in your embrace

Of what I feel for you
I'm deathly terrified
Not what I meant to do
But I can't run and hide
I am awestruck
By the beauty of your mind
And I am now stuck
With nothing strong to hide behind
I am afraid
Of the things that you have said
You knew exactly what I wanted
Pulled desires straight from my head
And I'm afraid
Of the fear that I hear in your words
They waver and crack and almost break
But I know what it is that I surely heard
This snuck upon the both of us
This joining of our very souls
And I'm terrified of what I feel
Afraid of what the future holds
My breath catches in my chest
As I wonder what to do
And the more I think about it
The more I simply want to be with you

I have not stopped trembling
Since you last touched me
Since your hand last brushed me
And you held me oh so tight
All I can think of is you
And my mind is still reeling
From that wonderful feeling
That you so easily insight
My favorite place to be
Is in your arms
And in your charms
Talking deep into the night
Sharing my life with you
Giving my heart to you
Is all I want to do
And somehow it feels so right

You only get one life to live
And nothing is guaranteed
If you don’t play you can never win
Don’t try and you’ll never succeed
Gaze at the stars every chance you get
Chase your dreams and follow your heart
Live for today for tomorrow will wait
If you don’t do it now then when will you start?
Love everyone like your friend
For hate only breeds evil and pain
Love yourself like you want to be loved
Only then will more feel the same
Smile when the sun is shining
Laugh at those things you find funny
Be passionate and open minded
Work like you don't need the money.
Dance like no one is watching.
Love like you've never been hurt.
Sing like no one is listening.
Live like it's Heaven on Earth.

I am drawn
By some mysterious force
It ebs and tides
In full due course
I cannot control it
Nor can I control myself
When it comes to my heart
I can think of little else
I simply get a thrill
From your forward advances
Of playing the game
And of dancing the dances
What right do you have
To hold power over me
Complicating my life
Denying I feel free
I dont want to think about you
I dont want to feel
You're not a part of my plan
My shine you shall not steal
Be gone from my mind
Be gone from my life
All you cause is worry
I do not want your strife
Let me be

I can still smell you
It makes me feel so weak
To know the way you are
Is everything I seek
The slight turn of your smile
That twinkle in your eye
Sparks a flame in my heart
And lights the very sky
I simply love to hear
Your heart beat close to mine
It quickens when you touch me
It races on through time
I wish this night would never end
And we could forever be
That which we are now really not
But who knows our destiny

The point of our existence
Is everyday more skewed
Perspective ever changing
But that's just my point of view
Up is down and round about
A dance around the pole
Ribbons tangling constantly
Intertwining as we go
Slippery, sneaky, stealthy
Reality slips my grasp
Dodging, weaving constantly
Impossible to clasp
So life keeps moving day by day
A mystery unbidden
And we must keep contemplating
The meaning ever hidden

Sleep

I sink down
Into the sweet still softness of sleep
It beckons me
With whispers of dreams so deep
It caresses my skin
Runs its fingers through my hair
Lush promises of loveliness
Are uttered in my ear
Sleep softens the edges
Of a brutal and blunt existence
A brief respite in time
A void of non-resistence
It holds me tight in its embrace
Like the arms of an intimate lover
I close my eyes and release myself
To the hold of sleep like no other

Swords clash inside my head
Two armies are warring
Screams of lost memories echoe
Visiously, violently sparring
An arrow strikes my heart
I can no longer feel
The blood rushes down my face
So warm and wet and real
My battle scars are aching
They swell a hot flaming red
Two armies in me do battle
And I'm left here lying dead.

An massive emptiness
A hollow left inside my heart
An aching loneliness
A hole that kills me part by part
It once was filled with fire
But that flame has sadly dwindled
Once it sparkled, crackled, shone
Now it sorely needs rekindled
What can I fill the hole with?
What will fulfill the appetite
Of my insatiable loneliness
What can again set me to right?
I need the sun to shine on me
To warm me through and then
To light my smile, to light my fire
And make me whole again

Starbursts go offinside my head
Triggering giggles randomly
I am happy
And the world shines
Thoughts of fun and friends
And stressfree moments
Of simple joy
Chase away the clouds
Leaving the intense fuschia and violet
Of sunrise on the horizon
A sun that never truly sets
Unless I will it to do so
And even then
The stars beam down
Winking at one another
In silent approval
Of the joy in the world

Hope Shines Eternal

The sun shines down upon me
Inundating me with hope
For the future of my dreams
And my world
Everything will always be alright
Because that's the way I'll make it
The sun shines even at night
Smiling down at me calmly
I'll keep that moon in my pocket
And squeeze it when the dark closes in
An ever comforting locket
Of light and love and promise

Which is it that drew me to you first?
The physical sparks that flew in great multitudes
Or the way you wooed me with your words
There is something primevil about an instant physical connection
The excitement of the brush, caress
Of hand against skin, lips against neck
But it does not compare in the slightest
To the ultimate intimacy of intellectual honesty
To opening your mind and your soul
And letting a stranger walk among the secrets
And peruse at their discretion
The complete trust of sharing your soul
Your thoughts
Your passions
Your intimacies
Both are wonderfully gratifying
Though one without the other can be
frustrating or cheapening
Which will you give more freely?
Choose carefully

One touch
And my breath catches
And my hand latches
To your physical embrace
And when our eyes meet
Sparks fly
And catch a fire within my heart
It burns hot white
And sparkles brightly
Like the smiles in my eyes
When I think of you
You excite me
And intice me
To love you, want you, need you
But you haven't earned me
Though you may well yearn for me
And we'll play this game
Of touch and go
Until I know for sure
That you are worthy
Of this goddess's
Wealth and touch

To the three excitements in my life:

I'm tingling all over
With anticipation
Of the next time you touch me
That way that you do

I'm humming to myself
In frustration
Over the feelings inside me
You've brought into view

I'm holding my breath
In expectation
Of the next thing you'll say
That will make me sigh

I'm thinking to myself
About why I adore you
About the things that employ you
That make me feel alive

I had power over my life
I no longer lived for another
I was free again of stress and strife
For no one else did I worry or bother
Now shaken, turned around
Flipped on my head
Dropped upside down
You've made me stop and think
Freeze and Reevaluate
Reexamine my life
Like a mental eathquake
Can you be real
Can I really want you
I think I wrote you into life
You're just too good to be true
Probably simply a dream
A deep felt wish
A mental conjouring
I'm terrified

A Promise to Myself

I am alone
I am better off this way
I am strong
I will go on my own way
I do not need someone else
To tell me who I am
I do not need someone else
So on my own I’ll stand
There are many who love me
And I adore them too
But I can live without them
Because I simply might have to
I control my own life
My future, present, past
I will succeed I will persist
I will be happy at last

I stand here on my gallows
A noose resting on my throat
I swallow as it tightens

I struggle in my ocean
The surface moving farther from sight
I gasp as I sink

I cling to my ledge
Knuckles whitened and straining
I scream as I slip

A noose of fears
An ocean of tears
A ledge of despair
The world goes black...

No one's here to hold me tight
Or whisper it's ok
No one's here to make it right
Or know just what to say
No one's here to wipe the tear
That just rolled down my face
No one's here to ease the fears
That terrorize this place
No one's here to pull this dagger
Glistening with pain
No one was here to place it either
But yet I lay here slain
No one's here to save me
As I drown in my own sorrow
No one's here to hear me cry
Or help me bear tomorrow

I don't desire to lay with desire
Can't help but get burnt when I'm near the fire
Intense flames shine brightly in the night
Drawn like a moth, I've lost my sight
The look in your eyes has me frozen in place
I try to run but I still see your face
I'm being pulled in two separate ways
And I'm going to break one of these days
Shatter into a million pieces of broken heart
And it's been my fault right from the start
Too weak to say yes, too weak to say no
Too afraid to stay, terrified to go
Am I always destined to cause myself pain
To slit my wrists and watch the tears drain
Drowning in a sea of confusion and fear
Towering waves of emotion clash and tear
If I just let myself drown then the pain will stop
Drain the ocean, freeze my heart

So tired...

My mind drifts
Floating on an ocean of dreams
Immersed in cloudlike euphoria
Fuzzily ripping through seams
Of reality
Left is up and down is away
Currents pulling me
Drifting astray
Blink my weary eyes
Filled with an ocean of tears
Once in the arms of my lover
Next alone with my fears
Nothing is as it seems
Fair is foul and such
Senses betray me
Smell, sight, touch
Let myself go
And I'm floating away
Lost on an ocean of dreams

I'm not sure I like this poem but I promised myself I'd post everything I write and I'm exceedingly tired so even my normal cryptic hidden meanings are rather incoherent.

So tired...

My mind drifts
Floating on an ocean of dreams
Immersed in cloudlike euphoria
Fuzzily ripping through seams
Of reality
Left is up and down is away
Currents pulling me
Drifting astray
Blink my weary eyes
Filled with an ocean of tears
Once in the arms of my lover
Next alone with my fears
Nothing is as it seems
Fair is foul and such
Senses betray me
Smell, sight, touch
Let myself go
And I'm floating away
Lost on an ocean of dreams

I'm not sure I like this poem but I promised myself I'd post everything I write and I'm exceedingly tired so even my normal cryptic hidden meanings are rather incoherent.

The world has lost it's shine
My heart's leaden with tears
My feet stuck in the mud
Can't shake this pain, these fears
The world swirls on around me
While I desperately hide
Curled into a ball
Oblivion on each side
On the inside I scream
But only a whisper escapes
I cry, the world has left me
Emotionally raped
Pressure exploding from the inside
Crushing the breath from my very lungs
Sentenced to fate worse than death
Sentenced to a life prolonged
Torture me no longer
Release me from this plane
What good is breathing, living
When livings only pain

My memories
They haunt me
and taunt me
Never to be relived
It pains me
To think of the love lost
The love I butchered
And betrayed

The present
It beats me
and cheats me
Never truly letting me live
It frustrates me
To think of all I'm doing wrong
Happiness I'm missing
And can never have again

The future
It mocks me
And locks me out
Never to be mine
It scares me
To think of all the pain that still might come
The dreams I won't fulfill
And shall never dream again

This is a poem a wrote about a month ago contrasted with one I wrote yesterday. My life has fortunately taken a turn for the better. Also, these are a few of the only free verse poems I've ever written. Rhymed ususally flows better for me but when I wrote these I was so full of emotion I couldn't take the time to work with the words.

The first one:

A muffled scream
A form streams downward
Innocence and youth
Happiness destroyed
I saw heaven,
I blossomed there,
Learned to fly
But now my wings are gone
Torn and tattered
Ripped of my grip
I fall
Above me a face blocks the sun
Mocking me in pain
Below me I can forsee
A sickening crunch
I am scared
There is nothing left to catch me
Hands reach out
But I can't get a grasp
I shall never again rise
To the heavens
I shall never fly again

The second one:

Tears newly dried upon my face
They shimmer and sparkle
As I laugh
To think I thought it was the end
That I could never again
Reach for the stars
Or fly in the sun
His rays smile happily upon me
As I rediscover the joys of life
Heal the wounds
Bind the pain
To forget and yet
Remember
That I am too strong
To be torn from MY skies

I was gazing out a window just now...

A dark, lovely complexion
With brilliant spots of light
Among the deep blue sky
A black that's so bright
Almost painful to watch
But so intensely deep
Drawn in by a longing
Like a dream, peaceful sleep
Heaven smiles upon me
With kind twinkling eyes
A sliver crescent moon
Laughs with Cheshire smiles
Soothingly soft
In silent words murmured
Of love and beauty
And hope reassured

Sure it's kinda generic and unoriginal but hey... there are only so many words in the English langauge.

This is the first poem that I've written in months now, I finally have something to inspire me again.

The sun has set upon its day
I watch the stars and still I lay
In arms of he that I hold dear
Eyes sky blue and crystal clear
Embrace enfolds me, holds me tight
Soft breezes dance by through the night
On which drift thoughts of he and I
I gently stir, he softly sighs
Cool night air blankets the ground
And kisses my skin with soft silent sound
His heartbeat slows to meet with mine
As crickets softly sing in time
Bright stars glimmer and wink from above
Oh to be young and so in love

I would like to ask anyone viewing this blog in the future not to use my words without my permission. When I write, I pour my heart and soul into it, so by stealing it, you would be robbing me of a bit of my very soul and being. Enjoy and if you like something, drop me a note at faerie29@hotmail.com .